I’m about to break some unwritten blog law and post a long quote and call it a blog. It comes from “Breaking the Discipleship Code” by David Putman. I read these paragraphs several times this AM, underlined them, then decided to post here. Read slowly.

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At the risk of hyperbole, the need for belonging is what got me started on the journey I am on now. When my wife, Tami, was hit by a van, I began a serious assessment of our relationships. I soon discovered that while we had our families, they lived in other states, and no matter how close the relationships seemed, we were hindered by time and space. While Tami was in the hospital recovering, I was astounded by the number of people all over the country who were praying for us, e-mailing and calling, I loved those people for loving us so much, some of whom I didn’t know. Two of our pastors were there that night, yet something was missing. Even with hundreds of people pouring prayers and blessings on us, I knew that authentic, personal relationships were conspicuously absent. We had to admit that we weren’t belonging.

Not long after the accident, I was having coffee with my pastor when he asked me about the people at our church who had connected with and cared for us while Tami was recovering. I ran through the list of people who had responded: a couple of pastors, one of the wives, and another couple in the church. I immediately saw the disappointment on his face, but I stopped him and explained that we had no one to blame for this lack of belonging other than ourselves because we had not connected with people in our community or the church. I had traveled all over the country telling people how to create communities in their churches, but I had only attended out church on those occasional times when I was in town, and as a result, Tami and I were dying for belonging.

During that time, I decided to change gears and move my ministry to the local church. I kept having these thoughts that if I died no one would be around to care for my family. I was longing to belong in relationships with others at a more intimate and authentic level. I wanted to love and be loved by close friends and to be in significant, meaningful relationships with people who really knew me at more than a surface level. It was a tall order, though, and I knew it was going to require radical shifts in my life.
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Do you have that sense of belonging in your local church? If not, why not?

Too many disconnected people blame it on the pastor or the church and go on an endless journey trying to find a perfect church to connect with.

I think the answer to church disconnection is to look in the mirror, then make what David P calls “radical shifts” in how we do life. What do you think?