Tsismis and the Danger of One-sided Stories
I received an urgent phone call recently from a Christian businessman asking my counsel about a business deal with another Christian that was going sour. Some associates were advising him to file a court case. He wanted pastoral counsel before acting. As he explained the situation to me, I noticed my friend repeated a line several times. This line is unfortunately rarely found in disputes among Christians. This line he kept repeating impressed me because it revealed his maturity and humility. Here’s what he kept saying as he told his story: “This is just my side of the story. I know there is another side and you probably need to hear the other side before you make your conclusion.” Then he would tell a little more of the story and add, “I know this is just one side, and there is another side that seems completely reasonable to the other party, but this is the way I see it.”
In my years of pastoral counsel, marriage refereeing, and church peacemaking, I have found that there are at least two sides to every story, and usually three or four sides to every disputed story. Consider the following familiar Bible story about a man whose life was messed up because of a one-sided story mixed with a bit of tsismis.
By no choice of his own, Joseph ends up as a “houseboy” in an Egyptian mansion. Because of his hard work, integrity, and the favor of God, he gets promoted and ends up in charge of everything Mr. Potiphar owns. Then, because of one false report, one piece of gossip, one accusation, one side of a story—Joseph is thrown into jail. Because one man failed to hear both sides of the story and rushed to judgment, Joseph's good name gets tarnished.
You know the story. Mr. Potiphar’s sleazy wife unsuccessfully tries to seduce Joseph; Joseph runs; Mrs. Potiphar spins the story to make herself the victim; Mr. Potiphar accepts one side without hearing the other; the results are unjust. Of course, God shows up in that dark jail and continues to bless Joseph, but that’s another story for another day.
I suspect there is an inner-Potiphar lurking in all of us—a dark part of us that secretly likes to hear tsismis especially about successful people. I am not sure how it got there, but I know it is—at least in me, sometimes. Why else would I be drawn to news in the Philippine Star about Jessica Simpson and John Mayer? Here’s why: because they are successful celebrities and the public has to know all the private details of their lives—whether those details are true or not. Why are bad news and unsubstantiated rumors so enticing? Why are gossip columns some of the most popular pages even in otherwise respectable newspapers? Why do we read and watch tabloid “news” knowing that we are being fed half-truths, exaggerations, and sometimes boldfaced lies? What is it about human nature that craves, follows, and swallows the latest scoop with no regard to truth and justice?
I am not sure about the answers to those questions, but I am sure about this: The first to present his case seems right, till another comes forward and questions him (Proverbs 18:17). I am sure that the next time I hear a rumor and one side of a story, I must hear the other side before rushing to judgment. I am sure that I must know and evaluate the character and motive of the accuser, before I accept it as unbiased fact. Joseph had exemplary moral character. Mrs. Potiphar had issues. Had Mr. Potiphar evaluated the character, history, and motive of the accuser and the accused, he may have come to a different judgment. God forbid we should follow the example of Potiphar and only hear one side of the story.
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